Derekslover13's Journals

brad terance dickerson's suisidle note / I FUCKING MISS HIM

Now i know most of u r gonna be sad and miss me but i will miss u all too and since ur not gonna hear me vocally heres what i should have said thanks to all U ALL SUCKED

Trish: baby girl i loved ur laugh, i loved everything bout u sry i couldn't be with u forever i wish u would have seen how much of a asshole Jeremy really was i wish i could have been in his spot holding u in my arms forever hopefully making time stand still around us but i see it never happened i love u soo much and i am sry for braking ur heart

Kelly: i love u sooo much and i thank u for ur great advise, and i am sry that ur dad was a asshole all i ask is that u take care of Trish and keep her happy and not make her sad, and hopefully maybe me and u could be lovers in our next life as well as we was in this life love always and forever

Aleasea: sister i love you, and i am glad u r and was my bigger sister hopefully u tell Trish i will always love her, and i miss her forever i really do wish me and u and her all could be good to each other i miss u and i know you'll miss me goodbye

Mom: u cniving bitch i hate u for not even caring about me i hope u and dad rot in hell for not caring i hated how u was obsessed with ur ugly face trying to be pretty it is worthless ur ugly and fat i hope u die u fugly ass bitch

Dad: oh my god u bastard i hope u rot in hell, u beat me everyday, u always said u wished i would die and u r a fucking mother fucking bastard go suck dick u bastard

Jeremy: u mother fucking bastard how could u not ever care bout Trish u always cheated on her i hope to god u r fucking dead, and if i could come back i would kick ur ass Trish is a prime goddess and ur a fucking bastard who didn't deserve her love

Derrick: bigger brother i hope u rot in hell for beating the shit outa me every fucking day u r my big brother ur sopost to teach me stuff not beat the shit out of me every-fucking-day just die would u

And to everyone who i forgot i am sry ur hearts broken i love u all i wish u all the best of luck in life

And to people who beat me up everyday i hope u fucking die and burn or rot in hell for it

again i am sry to all who r sad bout my death but noone cared for me like Trish did i wish i could have her soo much marry her fuck her and everything i am sry to all who cared

LOVE IS not mAke beLIEve,

Brad Terrance Dickerson

ok this is to alex and who ever wanna read

ok my friend my bestest buddy ever died just a few days ago hear is how he died

ok his sister told me he slit his wrist and blown his brains out he was home alone only for a few hours like maybe 3 hours and in that time he was doing just fine when his sister left and then she left i think he had it all planed out on how to finish his life he did leave a note i dunno what it says yet his sis should bring it tomorrow she forgot where she put it so yeah well anyways in the 3 hours he had alone in his house he killed himself he has cut marks on his wrist and chest and legs when he got done with the strenth he had left he blew out his brains i was sad when i heard well anyways the suiside note will be on tomorrow good bye for now ok

DEREK'S LOVER FOR LIFE BUT NOW BRETS :P

TRISH

A poem i made a long whole back it means alot to me

A poem i made a while back

everyone stares at me with hatred in their eyes
as i walk up to you ,you have sadness in your eyes,
and as i walk away i hear,a young girl crying for help
i stop dead in my tracks,and turn around,and walk back to you
i hug you close never wanting to let go,huging almost as if you was gone forever
my heart brakes everytime i hear your name being hurt or killed
i wish you luck to be happy and free i never thought it would end up this way
you gone and dead me being a mess everytime i hear you name
me being a mess without you missing you soo much
why can't i free myself from you you have such a tight hold on my heart
that i can't brake free whats holding me to this world
your dead and me i am alive so whats doing this
whats this feeling in my heart is it death or sadness
i ask once again please set me free from this pain
give me my life back,give me my heart back
set me free from yourself let me go
pass on in peace and never forget me
cause i will never forget you
for as long as i live i will always love you

a guy made this poem for me a long while back thats why it means alot to me i miss him i told him i loved him and he loved me back we was the best of friends i loved him so much he was murdered by his dad last year i hated his dad so much for what he did for killing the love of my life my first love besides derek spencer may both of their souls rest in peace i love you derek i love you cody you guys i miss and will always love you as i was saying my first boyfriend cody made this for me one day i was crying i was pissed over something and was hiding out of skool that day and he walked up to me and gave me this poem he said he made in class for me his dad hated him cause he liked me his dad didn't want cody anywhere around me but i still loved him anyways i miss you the most cody rest in peace

R.I.P. cody brooks 08/14/93 - 03/12/05

a scream for help â™¥â™¥ a poem - derekslover13

i feel dead and like a ghost
i can't scream from my heart
cuz tis dead and i am not aloud to speek
my mouth has been blocked out
no1 can hear my screams for help
cuz they blocked out my screams.
fix my mouth fix my screams
alow me to scream and be free
please i begth you help my heart
hear my screams set me free.
set me free by one kiss tonight
free my soul from this prison
that it's locked in
save me from something i can't control
save me from the horror that lives inside
killl whats left or let it go
whats your chouse

i am sad

for abvious reasons i miss derek so much i wish he was back or just kidding or maybe he left togoto a slint place of grace or maybe somewhere far away to where i can never reach him ever why do i feel soo bad for his death like it was my fault maybe it was i mean i can't even think of leaving a note on his page i miss him so much i mean i would have him now if it wasn't for that over grown monkey asswipe that got in the way i am never falling inlove again NEVER don't talk me outa it either

this is meeeeeee

love me or hate me i don't care if i am pertty or ugly or a poser or someone else i am me i know who i am and no1 can tell me different i think thats all good night

umm ya

ok my best buddy jeremy and his lover kelly not my cuz some other bitch well anyways jeremy tom brad and tristan r on my last nervs they r killing my pages i'ma kill them they r getting there own pages later okaa more after they fix em up

angel of death why is it me

i've had three friend die on me one of witch died in my arms while i loved him very much his name jeremy banks i love him he shot himself in the heart and died he fell down i layed him close to my heart and then my friend kelly brooks dies cuz some guy raped and killed her and then derek spencer died i am sooo sad and messed up that i am starting to think i am the angel of death and the reason why is because every time i fall inlove someone dies i will never fall inlove again cuz no1 cares about me

okaa if u all remeber i posted this up well i desided to finish it for u all lol

*recap* "because those where hired cops to trick you two into beleaving he was going to get arested hahahahahaha" she explained he walked back thru the door and i punched him really hard he fell back wards almost "DEREK SPENCER how could you ,you fucking bastard i will kill you" i said while pouncing him and i kicked him in the leg cuz what he did*end recap*
so it was the big day the wedding my sister and dereks sister and alex and elly was getting the house ready for the wedding and me and derek was out for a lil bit
*2 hours later*
now playen on the piano was 'here come's the bride' "oh you look really beautiful trish" shannon said as he walked me up the aile i just blushed and i stopped and stood there in front of my almost newly wedded husben "dearly beloved we gather here today to join this young lady and this young man in holy matramoney if anybody has anything to say they don't want thise two be wed spek now or forever hold your peace" the preacher said "ok derek spencer do you take trish bowman as ur lovely wife for better or for worse in sickness and in health for richer or poorer tell death do you part" the preacher asked "i do" derek said "ok and do you trish bowman take derek spencer as your lovely husben for better or for worse in sick ness and in health for richer or for poorer tell death do you part" the preacher asked me "i do" i said with a smile "ok derek please take a ring and trish take a ring and repete after me with this ring i do thee wed" the preacher said derek took a ring and repeted "with this ring i do thee wed" derek said as he sliped the ring on my fanger i got the ring thats for him "with this ring i do thee wed" i said as i sliped the ring on his fanger "ok i now pronouce you husben and wife you may kiss the bride" the preacher said derek gave me a deep kiss and everyone claped and cheered he picked me up bridle stile and carryed me out the door
*two days later*
so as we came back home from our honeymoon dereks dad was at our house we walked in and his dad came and grabed derek by the arm and draged him away "dad let go of my arm" derek said trying to free himself but failing his dad draged him all the way to the grave yard *two hours later* i notised he wasn't home yet so me and elly and alex went out looking for him elly when to the grave yard cuz that was one of dereks fav pleaces to be cuz his mom and alex when to the mall to see cuz that was dereks other fav place to be and then i when to his job and looked there and all of a sudden *ring ring* my cellphone was ringing so i ancered it it was elly crying and screaming "trish i don't know what happened just get here please and hurry now" elly said as she hung up the phone i went to the grave yard and saw it i screamed almost loud enuff to wak up a whole nation "hell no derek" i said as i was crying i dropped down and sat next to him i picked up his limp body and cryed even more just hugging his body close to my heart "no this can't be no way i will kill his dad i mean it" i said as i layed his body back down and walked out the grave yard with elly fallowing closly behind "where are you going" she asked i turned around and told her to go home and so she did i walked to his dads home and killed him i came back to the house with blood on me

this is from derek i got it from my friend sara please just read and kill me it's my fault

Dear everyone,

discluding you, dad, and basically excluding those of you whoever treated me wrong. I have something to say to all of you...since I wonâ�™t be able to say it vocally by the time you read this shit.

Mom; You are, have been, and always will be in denial Dad is an asshole. It really was him who basically beat me every day. Your fixation on beauty disgusts me.

Dad

Fuck you, this is your fault. May you rot in hell, for all the shit youâ�™ve done to me since the day I was fucking born, physicall AND emotionally.

Lindsay; I love you. I truly have always considered you an amazing sister. I thank you for helping me. Thanks for being my big sister.

Trish; I thank you for trying to break my heart. I thank you for cheating on me...It only made it more

more clear to me how much I loved Sara.I hope he was 10 times better than me for you...

Sara; I always loved you, and I always wanted to tell you. Youâ�™re so perfect, and so beautiful. Your eyes are like looking at a preview of heaven. But you never knew...I wanted to hold you in my arms. To kiss you, to show you I could beat Troy, and be SO MUCH better than him! Show you real pleasure, with r

with real passion. I wanted to be so close to you, that we were almost as one. I loved you. I LOVE you, Sara Mitchell.

Troy; You inconsiderate asshole. Cheating piece of trash. If I can come back as an orb or some fucked up shit...I will fucking haunt your ass.

Elena; I knew you online; you gave me so much good advice, and such pure love. I could tell you anything. I love you. I have could tell you anything. I love you. I have only one undying argument that I WILL I guess uhh take to my grave...Iâ�™m the ugly one, NOT YOU! Youâ�™re a truly amazing person. Please live a long and awesome life!

Michael; Our inside jokes will never die, not even with me... I love you. If I ever turned gay, I would have forced you into it with me...because I am a manipulative asshole, right? Haha. Truestory...Youâ�™ve always been my best friend, my nigga. HAHAHA I am so hopeful that you always make Linds happy. I love you, man., Youâ�™re SUCH an awesome friend!

To anyone who ever treated me like I had no feelings...this is for you. I wonder if Iâ�™m still invisible. Fuck love, fuck life, fuck everything....and as for me, Iâ�™m gone. I am sorry to those who cared. I could no longer cope...Love Always

Love Always,

May I stay in your heart, even as Iâ�™m no longer in your lives...or not completely, Derek